


Fallen Angel Handout J: And Now...He’s Naked! Coping with Unprompted Nudity

by SueBob99



Series: Guide to Divine Beings [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Exactly What It Says on the Tin, F/M, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 08:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8883250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SueBob99/pseuds/SueBob99
Summary: Congratulations on receiving our most widely requested handout!Dealing with your angel's sudden nudity can be challenging. Don't worry, this simple step by step process will guide you through...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grym](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grym/gifts), [greenleaf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenleaf/gifts), [kanshou87](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanshou87/gifts).



> Thank you to several people for the awesome plot bunnies...  
> Grym- for the two great supplemental handout ideas  
> Greenleaf- for knowing sweat pants are a severe punishment & that sulking should be prevented.  
> kanshou87- series name and getting me thinking about Maze

Note: this handout is to provide additional guidance for companions of the standard (original) Fallen Angel (FA), for the other variety please request Moody Fallen Angel handout A: “Explaining Your Skintight Leather, Hot Body Everywhere Thing Actually Is That Great.”

Handout is designed for all companions, whether you’re new to naked FAs, or have seen him naked so often you could describe his ripened berries from memory.

In event of unprompted nudity...

Step One:  
Remain calm.

Step Two:  
Remain calm.

Step Three: Sex?  
FA is used to humans only wanting him for his influence, money or body. For companions in the initial stages of knowing their angel, it’s worth deciding now what you would like from the relationship. At this stage you can build a firm foundation of friendship (and potentially more), whereby your lonely FA can gradually learn to trust you, open up and show vulnerabilities he hides from all others.  
Or, you can have sex (which would be a win-win and probably another win after that).  
Do you want sex? If yes, continue to Step Four. If no, skip to Step Five.

Step Four:  
Congratulations! Your FA has been waiting long and hard for this. And you can’t argue with that.

Step Five:  
Is your FA actively offering sex? If yes, continue to Step Six. If no, skip to Step Seven.

Step Six: Refusing Sex  
It’s a multi-stage grieving process, for your FA to understand you will not be having wild, urgent, athletic, flexible, passionate, euphoric, envelope-pushing sex. Stages are: excitement, confusion, bargaining, denial, confusion, hope, fear, confusion, acceptance and confusion.  
Hope lasts the longest.  
Top Tips...  
-Aim to at least mainly look at his eyes  
-Initial refusal will confuse your FA, who will assume you’re unwell or defective. Do not hit him.  
-Explain presenting himself naked is not, in and of its self, a persuasive argument.  
-Decision made, companion must resist all calls to harvest him.

Step Seven: Scars  
As most humans do not notice his scars, FA will be unsure in offering explanations and allowing you to glimpse the abandoned son who lies beneath his playboy veneer. Cultivate trust by inviting a confidence but don’t push for more than he can give.

Step Eight: Communication  
Do not publicly shame your FA about nakedness. Companion can embarrass or tease the FA gently, but public shaming may make the FA withdrawn and sulky for X number of minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/seasons. Ratio varies, usually one comment to every forty-three minutes (approx.) of sulking (1:43).  
Top Tips:  
-FA believes he is gifting you (and bystanders) his nakedness. Try not to roll your eyes and under no circumstances exclaim “Oh, God!”  
-Don’t use the term “inappropriate”. Like the domestic house cat, your FA understands every word said, but chooses to ignore you.  
-Don’t let him get in your car like that.  
-Instruct FA to “put some frickin’ clothes on!”

Step Nine: Deterrents  
FAs are meticulous groomers and preeners. Know your FA's clothing sizes and keep a spare set of sweat pants and some kind of shirt (optional) in your vehicle when out in public with said FA. Having to don a set of sweat pants will get the message across that public nudity (other than in very specific situations) is considered unacceptable.  
-Recommended for persistent troublemakers: Dave Matthews Tribute Tank, board shorts and neon crocks.  
-Clothes must be (a) made of man-made fibres and (b) wrinkled. 

Congratulations! By now your FA is almost certainly currently clothed. If not, repeat Steps Five to Nine. 

 

Other commonly requested handouts:  
I: "How to Fit Your FA in a Matchbox-sized Car."  
K: "Warning! Children May Leave Fingerprints."

And if you’ve enjoyed the FA series, why not try one of our other guides:  
From the Goddesses Series: “Divorce! For the Love of God, Why?”  
Or, for Demons: “The Demon’s Guide to Making Friends/People You Don’t Want to Kill Anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments appreciated.
> 
> If anyone has their own guides they fancy writing (???) I'd totally love to read them.


End file.
